Build a business paragraph with a clear evidence chain

A list of facts is not yet a paragraph

• A fictional campus shop tests a pickup shelf. A writer records an order count, a late-arrival problem and an opinion about signs. The reader still needs a clear main point connecting these details. A paragraph should do one job, not collect every fact nearby.
• This GAC008-aligned lesson teaches topic sentences, supporting statements and cohesion. All figures describe invented practice data. Your conclusion must fit this one shop trial, rather than promising that every business should adopt the same system.

Select evidence that answers the question

• The writing question is: “How well did the pickup arrangement work in the trial?” Choose details about collection and remaining problems. The colour of the manager's notebook would be irrelevant unless the question concerned that notebook.
• Keep the total and the problem count together. Eighteen of twenty orders were collected within the planned window; two customers arrived after it. These counts describe this trial. They do not establish why people arrived late or measure customer satisfaction.

Make the topic sentence a bounded claim

• A topic sentence states the paragraph's main point. “The pickup arrangement handled most orders on time, but its notice needs review” fits the evidence. “The system was perfect” ignores the two late arrivals and the recorded issue.
• Follow with supporting statements, then explain why the evidence matters. A count alone leaves the reader to supply the connection. “Two customers arrived late” supports reviewing the notice; it does not prove the notice caused both delays.

{callout:example} The pickup arrangement handled most orders within the planned window, although the notice needs review. Eighteen of twenty orders were collected on time. However, two customers arrived later, and the trial notes recorded a hard-to-see closing time. Making that time clearer is a reasonable next step, but another trial is needed to check whether it reduces late arrivals. {/callout}

Keep links and references clear

• However signals a contrast; therefore signals a conclusion supported by the preceding ideas. Do not put therefore before an unrelated claim about profit. The trial includes no sales-margin figures, so a profit conclusion cannot follow from its counts.
• Reference words such as this issue reduce repetition only when their meaning is clear. After mentioning late arrivals and the notice, write “the notice's small closing-time text” if “this” could refer to either. Repeat a useful noun rather than forcing the reader to guess.

{callout:warn} Adding a transition word does not create a logical connection. “Eighteen orders were collected; therefore profits doubled” remains unsupported, however smooth it sounds. {/callout}

Draft a paragraph and test its unity

• Write a 100-word recommendation using the table. Include one bounded topic sentence, two supporting details, an explanation and a next check. You may recommend clearer wording, but do not invent a new measured result or a guaranteed benefit.
• Give each sentence a label: main point, evidence, explanation or next step. A sentence with no role may belong elsewhere. If all sentences are evidence, add an explanation; if all are opinions, return to the table.

Revise what the reader could misunderstand

• Ask a partner to state the paragraph's main point in one sentence. Check every number and every causal word against the table. Replace “proved” or “caused” where the trial did not establish a cause.
• Then check cohesion: each connector names the intended relationship, each pronoun has one clear referent, and the ending follows from the evidence. A revision may remove an impressive sentence to make the paragraph more useful.

{callout:key} One paragraph develops one bounded point through relevant support and explanation. Cohesive devices clarify that chain; they cannot replace it. {/callout}